Helping Yourself Heal During the Holiday Season
by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.
Holidays are often difficult for anyone who has experienced the death
of someone loved. Rather than being times of family togetherness,
sharing and thanksgiving, holidays can bring feelings of sadness, loss
and emptiness.
Love Does Not End With Death
Since love does not end with death, holidays may result in a renewed
sense of personal grief-a feeling of loss unlike that experienced in the
routine of daily living. Society encourages you to join in the holiday
spirit, but all around you the sounds, sights and smells trigger
memories of the one you love who has died.
No simple guidelines exist that will take away the hurt you are
feeling. We hope, however, the following suggestions will help you
better cope with your grief during this joyful, yet painful, time of the
year. As you read through this article, remember that by being tolerant
and compassionate with yourself, you will continue to heal.
Talk About Your Grief
During the holiday season, don't be afraid to express your feelings
of grief. Ignoring your grief won't make the pain go away and talking
about it openly often makes you feel better. Find caring friends and
relatives who will listen-without judging you. They will help make you
feel understood.
Be tolerant of Your Physical and Psychological Limits
Feelings of loss will probably leave you fatigued. Your low energy
level may naturally slow you down. Respect what your body and mind are
telling you. And lower your own expectations about being at your peak
during the holiday season.
Eliminate Unnecessary Stress
You may already feel stressed, so don't overextend yourself. Avoid
isolating yourself, but be sure to recognize the need to have special
time for yourself. Realize also that merely "keeping busy" won't
distract you from your grief, but may actually increase stress and
postpone the need to talk out thoughts and feelings related to your
grief.
Be With Supportive, Comforting People
Identify those friends and relatives who understand that the holiday
season can increase your sense of loss and who will allow you to talk
openly about your feelings. Find those persons who encourage you to be
yourself and accept your feelings-both happy and sad.
Talk About the Person Who Has Died
Include the person's name in your holiday conversation. If you are
able to talk candidly, other people are more likely to recognize your
need to remember that special person who was an important part of your
life.
Do What Is Right for You During the Holidays
Well-meaning friends and family often try to prescribe what is good
for you during the holidays. Instead of going along with their plans,
focus on what you want to do. Discuss your wishes with a caring, trusted
friend.
Talking about these wishes will help you clarify what it is you want
to do during the holidays. As you become aware of your needs, share them
with your friends and family.
Plan Ahead for Family Gatherings
Decide which family traditions you want to continue and which new
ones you would like to begin. Structure your holiday time. This will
help you anticipate activities, rather than just reacting to whatever
happens. Getting caught off guard can create feelings of panic, fear and
anxiety during the time of the year when your feelings of grief are
already heightened. As you make your plans, however, leave room to
change them if you feel it is appropriate.
Embrace Your Treasure of Memories
Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of
someone loved. And holidays always make you think about times past.
Instead of ignoring these memories, share them with your family and
friends. Keep in mind that memories are tinged with both happiness and
sadness. If your memories bring laughteer, smile. If your memories bring
sadness, then it's alright to cry. Memories that were made in love-no
one can ever take them away from you.
Renew Your Resources for Living
Spend time thinking about the meaning and purpose of your life. The
death of someone loved created opportunities for taking inventory of
your life-past, present and future. The combination of a holiday and a
loss naturally results in looking inward and assessing your individual
situation. Make the best use of this time to define the positive things
in life that surround you.
Express Your Faith
During the holidays, you may find a renewed sense of faith or
discover a new set of beliefs. Associate with people who understand and
respect your need to talk about these beliefs. If your faith is
important, you may want to attend a holiday service or special religious
ceremony. As you approach the holidays, remember: grief is both a
necessity and a privilege. It comes as a result of giving and receiving
love. Don't let anyone take your grief away. Love yourself. Be patient
with yourself. And allow yourself to be surrounded by loving, caring
people.
(article taken from www.sonoranskiesmortuaryaz.com - http://www.memorialsolutions.com/sitemaker/sites/Sonora1/?page=pg__griefwords&show_griefwords=helping6) Labels: Advice, Grief, Grief Support
